Talking With Children

Talking to children about dying and death is not easy. It doesn’t matter whether you are a parent, other family member or friend. It may seem easier not to scare or burden them. Unfortunately children and teenagers need to face what is happening. They may become more anxious if they feel secrets are being kept from them.

Children (4 years and over) and teenagers need information that is:

Honest
Timely and appropriate to their developmental age and situation.

Make time to talk with them. Listen to what they are asking and what they are saying.

Start by finding out what they know. They may be concerned about things that are not true or they may have concerns that you had not considered.

Let them know that they can always ask questions or share their feelings with you. Regularly ask if they want to talk or ask questions.

Prepare them in advance for visits to hospitals or health care settings by describing what they might see. Children will react differently. If they are not distressed, then visits can be continued. For more on this visit the Canadian virtual Hospice pages.

Many websites have sections for children that are helpful. Some have information for parents. Check these websites. See what conversations or questions may follow.

Serious Illness

From CarerHelp Relationships and children (515kb pdf)
From Dying Matters, What should you tell children about death (3.05MB pdf)?
From the Raising Children website How to talk about death with children
The Canadian Virtual Hospice has information on Talking with children and youth about serious illness
MacMillan Cancer Support (UK) has Advice on talking to children about cancer
The healthtalk (UK) website has information on Living with dying: Talking to children about terminal illness
The NHS Inform (UK) website has information on Talking to children about your condition.

Bereavement

From CanTeen Australia, A guide to supporting your friend when someone in their family has died (5.92MB pdf)
From the Australian child & adolescent trauma, loss and grief network Information on grief and loss (120kb pdf)
The UK website Winston's Wish has information on Talking to your children about the death
The US National Institutes of Health website has information on Talking to children about death (359kb pdf)
The Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief (UK) website has information on What should you tell children about death? (2.27MB pdf).

Disease Specific

The MND Association of Victoria has Child friendly resources
The Cancer Council of NSW has information on Talking to kids about cancer
MS Australia has a booklet called Has your Mum or Dad got MS? (2.89MB pdf)

Support for kids

This is a difficult time. Children or teenagers may appear not to be coping. Useful information on depression and anxiety, and how to find various forms of support can be found on the Youth Beyond Blue website. This website also gives phone helpline numbers for parents, families and kids.
Canteen is an Australian organisation for young people living with cancer and provides information and resources that may help. There is also a Cancer Council Helpline.
Kids Helpline is a 24 hour telephone and online counselling service for young people between the ages of 5 and 18.

Last updated 10 July 2020